By: Jen Diederich, MA, BCaBA
Understanding the Extinction Burst: Why Things Sometimes Get Worse Before They Get Better
Have you ever noticed that when you try to change something, it can feel like the problem suddenly gets bigger instead of smaller? This is true for all kinds of human behavior. A toddler cries in the grocery store when told no and escalates to screaming. A person flips the light switch ten more times when the light does not turn on. Someone trying to quit smoking finds their cravings stronger than ever. Even at the vending machine, when candy does not drop, our instinct is often to press the buttons again, try different ones, or even shake the machine.
So why does this happen?
The answer is something called an extinction burst.
What is an Extinction Burst?
An extinction burst occurs when a behavior that was previously reinforced, meaning rewarded or responded to, suddenly stops being reinforced. When that happens, the behavior often temporarily increases in intensity, frequency, or duration before it begins to decrease.
In other words, when something that used to work no longer works, our first reaction is often to try harder before eventually giving up on the behavior.
The Hard Part
It sounds scientific, but in real life, extinction bursts can be incredibly hard. It is not easy to watch someone you care for become more upset or struggle with new limits. For caregivers, it can feel overwhelming and discouraging.
Here is the good news. Extinction bursts are temporary. Just like the saying “it is darkest before the dawn,” these moments often signal that positive change is on the horizon.
Behavioral science shows that if we stay the course and do not reinforce the escalating behavior, the intensity will peak and then almost immediately start to drop. With time, the behavior decreases and calm returns.
Here’s a lighthearted sketch that illustrates what happens during an extinction burst.
How to Get Through an Extinction Burst
If you are facing an extinction burst with your child, or even within yourself, here are three key strategies that can help.
1. Consistency
Staying the course is the most important step. If you have decided to address the issue, make sure everyone in your child’s life, or your own support system, is on the same page. Giving in at the peak of the escalation reinforces the behavior and makes the next burst start from an even higher point.
For example, if crying escalates to screaming and the screaming is rewarded, the next burst may start with screaming and quickly escalate to hitting. For internal goals like dieting, allowing “just a little” can quickly lead to bigger lapses, leaving you feeling disengaged and ready to give up.
2. Understanding
Sometimes just knowing what is happening can make all the difference. Recognizing that you are in the middle of an extinction burst helps you find patience and remember that it will not last forever. Research shows that once an extinction burst passes, improvements are often quick and lasting, and if the behavior does return, it is typically shorter and less intense.
3. Support
Having someone by your side makes the process much more manageable. Whether it is a spouse, a friend, or a professional, support can give you the encouragement and accountability you need to keep moving forward.
You Do Not Have to Do It Alone
We understand how challenging extinction bursts can feel and how discouraging it is when progress seems to move backward. Our team specializes in behavioral and mental health therapy, and we walk alongside families every day as they navigate these tough moments.
If you or your loved one are working through behaviors that feel overwhelming, please reach out. We are here to help you stay the course and find the brighter days that follow.
