Dear One,

It’s been seventeen years since you made me a mama. I had no idea what I was in for. You exploded my reality and made me question everything. We didn’t know what we didn’t know. Looking back, I know I would have done some things differently if we had your Autism and ADHD diagnoses earlier. But here you are, alive and taller than me, navigating high school, heartache, assignments, bullies, friendship, and your growing body and brain! You are learning to do more and more for yourself at home, reaching goals, and looking for next steps. People already ask, “What’s next after high school?” Whoa! We’re not even graduating yet.

I know that day will come, and I am relishing my time with you as you make your way toward an eventual dream of independent living. I couldn’t be more proud of how you have overcome challenges, and still see the world with wonder and curiosity. The future has always been uncertain, and as it gets closer, I question what it will look like for you, what support you’ll need, how you will advocate for yourself and make your way in a world that wasn’t built for you. Have I prepared you? Have I done enough?

How do we get comfortable with the unknown future for the children we care for? I have made it to a place where thinking about it doesn’t make me hyperventilate. I built myself a mental resume, a celebration of lessons learned, problem-solving that worked, and the times I was brave enough to ask for help with something I thought I “should” be able to do on my own, but couldn’t for whatever reason.

As I approach another transition, I am reminded that all of the times I have faced a situation I did not feel prepared for, I was held by a community of family, friends, and sometimes complete strangers who seemed to understand the heaviness I was holding, who saw me and reminded me I have never been more prepared for what lies ahead than I am today.

Thank you for shining your light in the world. I love you forever.

Love,
Mom